The Different Languages of Love

Love languages can be very informative and give you insight into the things you value in your relationships. It can let you know how you prefer to receive love, and through learning the language(s) that resonates with you, you can learn how to better treat your loved ones. Let’s talk about the 5 main love languages and how to know which one applies to you.

What are the 5 love languages?

Acts of Service

People whose love language is ‘acts of service’ feel most loved and appreciated when their partner/friend pays attention to the little things. Small acts of kindness go over well with those who value this type of love language. The acts can be as simple as:

• Household chores

• Thoughtful surprise dinners

• Helping with childcare

• Grocery store runs

• Walking the dog

Gifts

There are a lot of misconceptions about the people that fall into this category. People with this love language do not necessarily expect extravagant or expensive gifts all the time. It is more important to them that their partner puts effort & thought into gifting. People value whenever their partner takes them into consideration. A common misconception is that they expect gifts all the time. Most in this category enjoy nice gifts on special occasions, and random gifts every now and then. A person that relates to this love language gets excited by “it reminded me of you” type of gifts.

Physical Touch

Those that fall under this category appreciate even the smallest acts of physical touch, such as a simple hand-squeeze when stressed. A common misconception about this love language category is that it is all about sex. The people in this category find safety and reassurance in being physically close to their partners. Sex can be important to this group but they value all types of physical intimacy. Acts of physical intimacy can include: hugs, cuddling/snuggling, shoulder squeezes, playing with their partner’s hair, massages, kisses, love bites, and hand holding. Simply put, this group of people crave physical proximity when around loved ones.

Quality Time

People who value quality time care about the efforts their partner makes to prioritize the relationship. When spending time together they do not like when their partner is constantly distracted by other things. Small acts such as putting the phone away during date nights or planning spontaneous activities to do together will win points with people in this category. If this is your love language, you usually don’t care where you are spending time with your significant other or friend as long as you are with them and can see that they enjoy & care about spending time with you.

Words of Affirmation

“You are doing great!” or “I’m so proud of you” are good examples of things to tell a person with this love language to make them feel loved and appreciated. If this is your love language, you are constantly looking for encouraging words in your relationship/friendships. You value being reassured about how much a person loves or appreciates you in their life. To you, words matter more than anything.

How to know which love language applies to you

Each and every person appreciates a little bit of each love language, but the love language you identify with most strongly is the one your loved ones should pay attention to. Here are some relatable scenarios to help you figure out which love language most strongly resembles you:

Acts of Service:

• You love acts that are done spontaneously or without asking

• You value people who back up their words with actions

• You find it attractive when your partner helps whenever you are feeling overwhelmed

Gifts:

• You really value the thought, care, and effort behind gestures & gifts. It makes you feel seen & understood

• You cherish and keep the small gifts and tokens you’ve received throughout the years

• It hurts when your loved one forgets to get you something nice on special occasions. But the price doesn’t matter, the thought is what matters most to you

Physical Touch:

• You appreciate it when your partner is affectionate with you around other people, especially their friends

• Going a long time without physical affection really affects your mood

• You like being held when you’re not feeling well

Quality Time:

• You value time spent together more than a fancy dinner or expensive gift

• You don’t like when your significant other doesn’t want to celebrate special events

• You really appreciate your loved one being present when spending time together

Words of Affirmation:

• Long periods of time without communication make you anxious

• You really value heart-to-heart conversations

• It matters a lot when someone acknowledges your efforts & accomplishments

What hurts most based on your love language

Acts of Service Your requests for help repeatedly getting ignored. Your loved one groaning or acting burdened every time they have to do their part in something

Gifts Your partner uses the gift they bought you as leverage or debt against you. Or uses phrases like “you owe me”

Physical Touch Always being the first one to initiate physical intimacy or getting the cold shoulder

Quality Time Your partner often being distracted on their phone or distant around you

Words of Affirmation Insulting or hurtful words

Learning about your love language can help you be more in touch with your inner self & your emotions. You'll be able to navigate your relationships & friendships so much better, learn about the things that make you happy, and learn how to make your loved ones happy.